• “Why Are They Shirtless in a Public Bathroom?!” | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 11

    June 12, 2018

    Hi Everyone!

    Welcome back to another installment of my online dating series! If you’ve missed any, click the links below!

    Part 1: It Started One Night At A Bar Named ‘Darling’…

    Part 2: The One Where Jen Swiped Right

    Part 3: Play The Game, Playa

    Part 4: Dipping My Toe In The Water

    Part 5: How You Doin’?

    Part 6: There’s Something Fishy Going On…

    Part 7: Heeere, Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!!!

    Part 8: Dobby Has No Master. Dobby Is A Free Elf!

    Part 9: Who Am I? An Orphan Black Clone?

    Part 10: Hi, I’d like one (man) to go, please!

    Part 11: Why Are They Shirtless in a Public Bathroom?!

    Today, I’ll be sharing some of the funny thoughts I had while I was swiping and some of the funny bios I came across. My thoughts will be in italics so you can differentiate what I was thinking as I swiped.

    Tinder & Bumble:

    • *has a picture of him flipping a pancake in the air*
      • Bio: The pancake landed on the floor…I’m basically useless but I’d date me
      • I was wondering if he caught it
    • Bio: I’m going to be straight up with you. I need to find someone to eat the other half of my pizzas.
      • He can’t eat a whole pizza by himself?
    • Bio: “Maybe one day someone will say ‘sir’ without adding ‘you’re making a scene”.
      • lol
    • *profile pic is of him taking a shirtless mirror selfie in a public bathroom…but he is wearing a scarf
      • I have so many questions for this guy: was he alone in the bathroom and decided to take off his shirt and take a mirror selfie, did he wait until he was alone in the bathroom to take the pic…why is he shirtless in a public bathroom? Why is he wearing a scarf? If he’s cold, he should put his shirt back on…
    • Occupation: Florist. Bio: They didn’t have firefighter so I put florist…we both put water on stuff so it made sense.
      • hahahha, that’s funny, but obviously Firefighter would be in the occupations list?
    • Bio: Am I the only guy who is not looking for a one night stand?! Two night stands are much more efficient!
      • hahahahha, this probably isn’t an original line, but that’s funny and so true…wait, I only have one night table in my room.
    • Occupation: Pilot. *profile pic is him in his uniform and a headset on*
      • He looks like Ed Burns! Why do all these pilots take a selfie in the cockpit? The doctors wouldn’t post a selfie in scrubs in the OR??
    • Bio: That’s not my kid…or my dog! Profile pics: him with a kid and a caption that says ‘not my kid’
      • Wow, he really wants the ladies to know that it’s not his kid. Does he think every girl will see his pics and be like: *swoons* “his profile pics have him with a dog AND a child…wow he’s sooooo sensitive!!!”
    • *swiping and sees that we have a mutual friend* Wow, I have a lot of mutual connections with these guys on Tinder and it’s just the one Facebook friend.
    • *shirtless selfie, but he’s wearing a parka*
      • What? Why???
    • Wow, he looks like a morph of Bradley Cooper and Chris Pine
    • *comes across a profile with two guys* Bio says they’re bi guys in an open relationship
      • wow, their skin is amazing…is that how it is or really good phone filter?
    • hehe, an Asian guy named Hans
    • Bio: long romantic walks to the fridge
      • lol.

    On Plenty of Fish:

    • Headline: Am I what your looking for 🙂 ?
      • Ummm, no. You don’t know when to use you’re!!
    • Headline: You’re Ideal guy!
      • Is he saying I’m the ideal guy?? WHY DO SO MANY GUYS NOT KNOW WHEN TO USE YOU’RE VS. YOUR!
    • Education: High school. Profession: Enginner
      • how does that work? An Engineer whose highest level of education is high school?
    • Profile Pics: one of him in a car (I assume it’s him) and one pic of Joe Jonas
      • Why does he have pics of himself AND Joe Jonas?
    • Headline: Heey my name’s nemo & I’m not afraid to touch the butt
      • hahahahahaha!!!
    • *swiping* Oh, look, a shirtless mirror selfie where his head is cut off and it’s just torso! Why are there so many of these?
    • Single father has a mirror selfie with him and his daughter both wearing green face masks and bathrobes.
      • Awww! That’s so cute!! She’s holding a wristlet and her nails are painted too. I hope to find someone who will be like that when he becomes a father, but that’s just too much responsibility to date someone who already has a toddler.
    • Headline: Who wants to help me get off of here?
      • What? Oh, he should really rephrase that…

    On OKCupid:

    • *sees guy from Tinder, but his name is different*
      • His name says Johnny…wasn’t it Vladimir on Tinder??* (names changed)

    Final Thoughts on Profile Pics:

    • Why are there so many shirtless mirror selfies in public bathrooms?
    • I love a guy wearing sunglasses, but if you could do a close up pic showing your eyes, that would be great
    • If you’ve ever worn a suit or a button up shirt (optional: with a tie), then put that in your profile pics (unless the only pic you have is with an ex-girlfriend)

    Don’t need a pic with your mom, grandma, niece/nephew or dog. Let us find out your sensitive side as we’re getting to know you. If you own a dog, it’s useful to know in case you don’t like dogs or are allergic, but if it’s not your dog, then why is the dog in your pic?

    For children in your pics, you should ask parents’ permission when you post a pic of their child on social media…do they know you’re using their child as bait to get girls on Tinder? It’s not like girls are posting pics with their nieces/nephews (I’m assuming, I didn’t see girls’ profiles) and writing in their bio: “Not my kid” or “proud aunt”. There were quite a few guys who wrote “proud uncle” in their bio. Uhh, okay, it’s great when you’re close with your niece or nephew and we see that you’re good with kids, but do you need to write it in your bio?

    Also, don’t really need a shirtless pic. Unless you’re at the beach or something where it makes sense why you’d be shirtless. When you take a shirtless gym/mirror selfie, it makes me think you’re trying to take attention away from your face…which could be why you have a shirtless pic. About half of the guys that had shirtless pics were attractive though, so maybe just proud of their eight pack.

    In my last installment, I’ll share some unsolicited advice on what pics to put in your profile and what types of things I look for when reading the bios.

    Love,

    jen

    *This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.

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  • “Hi, I’d like one (man) to go, please!” | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 10

    June 8, 2018

    Hi Everyone!

    So, we are starting to wrap up my online dating chronicles. If you’ve missed previous installments, click below!

    Part 1: It Started One Night At A Bar Named ‘Darling’…

    Part 2: The One Where Jen Swiped Right

    Part 3: Play The Game, Playa

    Part 4: Dipping My Toe In The Water

    Part 5: How You Doin’?

    Part 6: There’s Something Fishy Going On…

    Part 7: Heeere, Fishy, Fishy, Fishy!!!

    Part 8: Dobby Has No Master. Dobby Is A Free Elf!

    Part 9: Who Am I? An Orphan Black Clone?

    I’m not going to rate the different sites because it really depends on what you’re looking for when you use the apps. But, here are some thoughts on each of the dating sites/apps:

    Tinder- most likely looking for a hookup, probably only a handful that are looking to meet someone to date long-term.

    Bumble- similar to Tinder, but since it’s up to the girl to message first, not the best site for introverts or traditional girls who want guys to make the first move. I didn’t try the networking part of the app, but I did try the Friends version and sort of chatted with a few ladies, but didn’t make any new girlfriends.

    POF- You are going to get messaged by a lot of creeps because you don’t have to swipe right on a guy for them to message you. Unless your settings are very restrictive so that only Upgraded members can message you, you will get gross and creepy messages. Then again, upgraded members can be just as bad as the rest. Be careful of catfish, use Google Reverse Image Search, it will be your best friend. It doesn’t pick up pictures if they were taken from an Instagram account, but at least you can find out if he took a stock image somewhere or if he’s using some famous guy’s pics.

    OK Cupid- You’re probably using this because you’re a little more serious about meeting someone special (not just for a hookup). I guess the matching can help to find out if a potential match has the same values and thinks the same way you do. I didn’t really like the part where you choose from a drop-down menu to fill out your bio. I didn’t really like that if someone messaged you, you’d only see it when you come across their profile. Sometimes I missed the messages and then there’s no inbox to read them again.

    Coffee Meets Bagel- Like I said in the previous post, you probably use this app if you’re a business professional and don’t have a lot of time to swipe through all the guys in your city. It helps narrow down the field for you and it lets you see who is already interested in getting to know you better.

    I think if I had to choose the one dating app that I would use again, it would be Bumble. It has a slight edge over Tinder because I like the fact that the girl is the one who has to message first. Since you only have 24 hours to message them after matching and they have 24 hours to reply after you messaged them, then both parties are obviously interested if he replies. On Tinder, I got a few messages 2-3 days after matching with someone) and by that time, I was like meh, whatever (I already assumed he lost interest). I also liked that you could shake your phone and bring back a guy if you accidentally swiped left on him. Once your thumb gets into the motion of swiping left, you go faster and faster and sometimes you make a mistake.

    I had a fun time trying out all the different apps and now I know which apps to try out if going out in the real world and trying to meet someone doesn’t work. So, although there were some sparks on Tinder, they fizzled out. I did NOT find the drone to my Queen Bee on Bumble, my lobster on POF, my everything bagel on Coffee Meets Bagel and Cupid must’ve missed when he shot his arrow on OK Cupid. Actually, everything bagel isn’t the best way to describe a potential boyfriend. I don’t even like everything bagels that much. I prefer Cheddar Herb bagels from Great Canadian bagels. I used to get them all the time in high school before they closed their store. Now, there are only a handful of locations and they all close pretty early…no wonder I’m still single. It’s so hard for me to find a BAGEL, never mind a BOYFRIEND. I do eat other bagels though, I’m not just always waiting around to get my cheddar herb bagel. I guess it’s a good analogy for dating; I need to try all these poppyseed, sesame, plain bagels (go on dates) to find that cheddar herb bagel out there.

    If only there were some dating site where you go up to a counter and say,

    Hi, one (man) to go, please. Between 5’7″ (so I can wear heels and he’ll still be taller) and 6″ (so he’s not too tall when I’m wearing flats). Enjoys watching movies and shows. Housebroken, wants children, non-smoker, doesn’t do drugs, and has all of the following *lists more characteristics and values*

    Oh, and it would be a plus if he could pull off different looks: plain tee and jeans, a suit, leather jacket and if he looked good in aviators/wayfarer sunglasses, oh la la!! 😉

    It’s not like I expect to marry the next guy I date, but it’s better if anyone I date wants children or is open to having children in the future. Why waste time dating someone who doesn’t want something you know you want? Even if he’s perfect in every other way, if there’s a non-negotiable, then why advance the relationship further?

    In the last two installments of these dating chronicles, I’m going to share some of the funny thoughts I had while swiping and also give out some pointers (to the guys). Have a great weekend!

    Click here for Part 11

    Love,

    jen

    *This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.

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  • Dipping My Toe in the Water | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 4

    May 18, 2018

    Hi Everyone!

    Have you missed previous installments of my online dating chronicles?

    Part 1: It Started One Night At A Bar Named ‘Darling’…

    Part 2: The One Where Jen Swiped Right

    Part 3: Play The Game, Playa

    Moving on from Tinder and Bumble, this post is mostly talking about the process of setting up a POF profile. I didn’t really talk about the process for Tinder and Bumble because it’s easy. You set it up with your Facebook account or email and then add pics, write a bio and you start swiping. On Plenty of Fish, it’s straightforward, but requires a bit more time setting it up. You don’t match with people and anyone can message you (unless your mail settings are restrictive). I set the mail settings so that only Men in Canada aged 23-35 could message me.

    By the one week mark, I was on three dating sites and I came across several guys on multiple ones. I have a good memory, so I remembered their pictures. One guy said he was a surgeon on Bumble and was a Stock Trader on POF…hmmm, wonder which job is his actual occupation. Obviously, he was only on Bumble for hookups because then it’d be like in Sex and the City when Miranda said she was a flight attendant and she dated the ‘ER Doctor’ (played by Clark Gregg aka Agent Phil Coulson) and he was squeamish around the sight of her bleeding finger.

    On Plenty of Fish, there’s a different process. Instead of just adding profile pics and a bio, you also fill in other things:

    • hair colour, height, body type
    • education, profession
    • if you want children
    • if you smoke, drink or do drugs
    • religion
    • if you have pets
    • longest relationship you’ve had (under 1 year, over 1 year, over 2 years and so on)

    The list goes on, but those are some of the things that are listed. Some of them had the option to choose “Prefer Not to Say.” I found this interesting especially when it was Prefer Not to Say Body Type or Children: Prefer Not to Say. These are kind of obvious because no one would choose “prefer not to say” if they didn’t have kids, so obviously a ‘prefer not to say’ has kids. As for body type, ‘prefer not to say’ probably means they have a few extra pounds. Or maybe it’s someone who’s actually ripped, but doesn’t want that to be the reason a guy/girl likes them. I found the ‘body type’ option kind of dumb to be honest because it’s subjective. A guy could list himself as ‘athletic,’ but there’s different types of athletic; think Ryan Gosling vs. Chris Hemsworth vs. The Rock. Also, depends on their height too. Personally, I prefer lean athletic because I’m a tiny, little woman and if a guy’s arm is bigger than my head that scares me. It was hard for me to choose a body type for myself because I’m petite, but it’s not like I’m in awesome shape- there are days where I’ve got a food baby and other days where the tummy is flat. I chose ‘Thin’ because athletic or average wouldn’t really be accurate.

    It also asks you to choose your personality in one word from a drop-down list. There’s a lot of options including: Chef, adventurer, athletic, gamer, geek, homebody, hopeless romantic, fashionista, film/tv junkie, professional, night owl. I chose Film/TV junkie for myself.

    It also asked you to choose your intent and these were the options:

    • I want to date, but nothing serious
    • I want a relationship
    • I am putting serious effort into finding someone
    • I am serious and want to find someone to marry

    I wasn’t sure about the last option. I mean, it’s similar to putting in serious effort to find someone because you’d want to find someone to date which would lead to marriage. I mean, it’d be a good to date a few people before I find the person I end up with to see what’s out there, but I would be ready to get married if I found the right guy.

    It was interesting because it also asked you to fill in other things that wouldn’t show up on your profile, but it would help you find people who you’d be a good fit. For example, it asked for your income and birth order (if you’re the oldest or youngest). It also asked if your birth parents are married, divorced, not together, one passed away or both passed away. It asked if you would date someone with kids or not and if you’d date someone who has a few extra pounds.

    You also fill out a 70+ question personality test that measures your Self-Confidence, Family Orientation, Self-Control, Openness and Easygoingness. You can fill out other ones that measure your Relationship needs and other things.

    Come back for the next installment to read some of the funny messages I got on POF.

    Love,

    *This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.

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  • The One Where Jen Swiped Right | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 2

    May 11, 2018

    Hi Everyone!

    Welcome to the second installment of my online dating chronicles! If you missed Part 1, click here! It was just the prequel to the main story!

    After returning to Toronto from a weekend trip to Montreal with my friends, I started swiping right on Tinder. I had a few matches and messages by the time I got home because my friends had swiped right on a bunch. I may have swiped right on a few in Montreal, but just out of curiosity. Sometimes curiosity got the best of me and I just swiped right on a good looking guy to see if he swiped right on me. But now that I was back in Toronto, I started swiping for real.

    I also rewrote my bio because my friend put “lover of life, mac and cheese aficionado” and something else. Although I love a good mac and cheese, I wouldn’t call myself an aficionado? I don’t know why she chose mac and cheese? Maybe it was because we had ordered it for dinner the night before. I changed it to mention that I loved movies. While we were at the bar, we decided to ask a question at the end of my bio so the guys could more easily start a conversation. It was suggested that I write, “what’s your favourite restaurant?” I decided to change it to “What’s your A&W order?” because it’s one of my fave fast food places and I go there at least once a month.

    I had watched a few YouTube videos where a celeb takes over a stranger’s Tinder and there were some funny pick up lines here and there. I was waiting for someone to have a clever one, but to my surprise, there weren’t any (luckily, I didn’t get any gross ones either). Most just started with ‘Hello’ or ‘Hi.’ I was a little disappointed to be honest. A few answered my question with what their fave A&W order was and no one answered the same thing that I order.

    *For the purposes of this blog series, names will be changed and aliases will be used.

    A few days into joining Tinder, I decided to add Bumble to the dating app lineup. I signed up using my facebook account linked to my blog (not my personal account).

    index.png

    I was simultaneously on both for two weeks. I came across about 10 guys who were former classmates (elementary, high school and university) or a few years older at my high school. I decided to swipe right on any guy I saw from high school (just to see if we’d match…curiosity again!). I happened to match with a classmate from elementary school…did he know/remember me? Did he see that we had 1 mutual friend (my personal FB account). Did he just swipe right on a bunch of girls and not know it was me? I didn’t message him because I had just swiped right because of that curiosity again. If he knew it was me and wanted to connect, he could message me on FB. I even came across two brothers on Tinder (from high school). One is a few years older than me and the other is older than my sister. I told her I came across him and my sister said, “Does he still look good? Lemme see!!!” There’s nothing like a blast from the past that will make you go back to the days you were a nerdy teen crushing on the hot, older guy. I sent her his profile pictures. Her reply, “Oh, he’s still good looking. Did you swipe right? I would never forgive you if you swiped left on Sean freaking Mack!” I did, but I didn’t match with either…oh well. I rationalized it with being too young for them.

    I saw a few guys on both Tinder and Bumble. I even matched with one guy ON BOTH. I had messaged him on Tinder…no reply. I swiped right on Bumble just to see if he had swiped right there too, and we matched. I didn’t want to seem desperate, but since the girl is the one who messages (in a boy/girl match-up) first on Bumble, I messaged him on Bumble too…maybe he hadn’t seen my Tinder message. No reply, oh well. I was a little confused as to why we matched on both. I assumed he had used the tactic that a lot of guys use- he just swiped right on as many girls as he could and would go through the matches and weed out the ones he didn’t want to message. He was the first one that I was interested in based on pics and bio. He made reference to several things that I love: Friends, Parks and Rec, and Batman. I was a little bummed, but no hard feelings.

    Originally, my plan was to swipe right on however many I could and then see the percentage of guys who I matched with. When it came time to do that, I just couldn’t swipe right on all of them. I didn’t want to give any false hope or anything. For a while, I was swiping left on a lot of them and then once your thumb gets the rhythm of swiping left, you just start to go faster and faster and then you accidentally swipe left on one you wanted to go right and you’re like NO!!! come back!!! That’s what I like about Bumble. You can backtrack by shaking your phone. It goes back to the last guy you swiped left on. You can backtrack three times and each backtrack is restored after three hours. You can’t backtrack any more than your three most recent left swipes.

    When I first joined the dating apps, I wasn’t planning to actually meet up with anyone. I was just having fun trying out this new experience. As I was swiping, I noticed there were a few Englishmen and Irishmen. I was messaging one Englishman on Tinder and one on Bumble. I was messaging Mr. Banana Man (he was wearing a banana costume in one of his photos) on Bumble was a tall, good looking guy and he had a funny reply to my first message to him. We exchanged a few messages. I think he was waiting for me to say something like “I’d love to show you around some day” or “I know this great place, want to meet for drinks?” which would’ve been the perfect way to set up a date, but since I wasn’t planning to actually meet anyone at the time, the conversation died.

    With the Englishman on Tinder, I was talking about how I visited Stonehenge and the Harry Potter Studio Tour while I was in London. He replied saying “ooh you like harry potter?” That was strike 1. If he had READ MY BIO, he would’ve seen that I liked HP (being a Brit, I assume he would know that HP is short for Harry Potter). He got strike 2 when he said that he’s “only been here a few hours” and asked if I would want to show him a good place to meet for drinks the next day… wait a second…in his bio, it said that it was coming to the end of his time in Canada and “you don’t want to miss out.” So…which is it, Mr. Liar Liar Pants on Fire? The end of your time in Canada or the beginning? I decided to just stop messaging him after he asked me for drinks because he was probably just looking to hookup since it was obvious he didn’t read my bio and he was either lying about just arriving or about to leave. Being an Englishman in Toronto, I’m sure he didn’t have any trouble finding a girl to swoon over his accent.

    As I was messaging guys, I quickly realized how hard it is to convey sarcasm. I wrote a sarcastic message to a guy and he mistook it for a compliment and replied, “thank you, you are very pretty yourself!” He also asked me how tall I was, he was 6’3″. I asked him if he had a height restriction or something. He said he was just curious about my look…whatever that means. Funnily enough, I’m 5’3″ and I sort of have a maximum cap at 6’1″ because any taller is just going to be a strain on both of us. I don’t want to feel like a shrimp next to my partner. My sister is the same height as I am and my brother-in-law is 6′. I think the best height would be between 5’9″ and 5’11” because they would still be taller than I am even if I wear 5″ heels.

    In Tuesday’s installment of my online dating chronicles: Superlikes and Daily Extends!

    Click here to find out if I made any new sparks on Tinder or if I found the drone to my Queen Bee on Bumble!

    Love,

    jen

    *This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.

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  • It started one night at a bar named ‘Darling’… | Online Dating Chronicles: Part 1

    May 8, 2018

    Hi Everyone!

    Today, I’m introducing a new blog series on Dating! I haven’t dated much, so it may seem weird that I would start a blog series on dating. I obviously can’t offer a lot of advice, but I recently decided to take the plunge and try online dating apps. So, I thought why not share my experiences and thoughts on online dating apps!

    I’d like to mention that when I first started, I was kind of just having fun with it and then thought, ‘hey, this would be a good blog post or series!’ and then it spiraled from there. I decided to try more apps, do research and watch YouTube videos.

    I tried five different apps just to see what each was like and how they were different. For each dating app, I’ll briefly tell you how it works, what type of info you share/fill in for the site, and what it was like. I’ll even share some of the funny messages I received. After I write about the different apps, I’ll let you know which ones were my faves to use, some advice for the men on what would make me swipe right or message back.

    The five apps I tried are:

    • Tinder (for 2 weeks)
    • Bumble (for 2 weeks)
    • Plenty of Fish (for 1 week)
    • OK Cupid (for 2 days)
    • Coffee Meets Bagel (for 1 day)

    For OK Cupid and Coffee Meets Bagel, I just wanted to see how the process worked and how the set up was, so that’s the reason that I was only on for a day or two.

    I’ve always wondered what it’s like on dating apps. Nowadays, it’s the norm to meet people on dating apps. In real life, there’s rarely a chance for a meet-cute (but every girl still dreams of the possibility). So, here’s the quick story of how I decided to join the first dating app:

    Logo-Tinder.svg.png

    A few of my other friends have used/use Tinder. So, when BM, KN and I went to Montreal (check out my blog posts on the food in Montreal), BM told me she was trying out Tinder for fun and I was like “I should try it.” Both of them agreed I should download the app…I didn’t. The next night, we went out for drinks at a bar named Darling and I had a few too many. KN said I should download the app and I said I would. She said “I don’t see you taking out your phone!” Maybe it was the red wine we drank before we left or the whiskey in the Supernova, but I whipped out my phone and downloaded the app. We also asked KN’s friend’s boyfriend what would make him swipe right on a girl. I handed them my phone and let them set it up for me. They wrote a short bio and started swiping. Apparently they swiped right on a bunch just to get some matches. They drunkenly exchanged a few messages with some of the matches.

    Once I got my phone back, I started swiping for the rest of our trip. Since we were in Montreal, I didn’t swipe right on any guys because why bother when I’m leaving in a day? I was just having fun looking through photos and reading bios. Once I got home, I planned to swipe right on a bunch of guys to gather some stats because I had all these ideas for the blog series.

    Click here to read Part 2! Find out if there were any sparks on Tinder!

    Love,

    jen

    *This blog series is not affiliated or associated with any of the online dating sites/apps mentioned. It is also not meant to discourage any person from using these sites. This was just something I thought would be a fun topic to write about and let you know about my experiences with online dating.

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