Hi Everyone!

Have you watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix? You should, it’s really cute.

Inspired by the movie, I thought it would be fun to write a little something to my former crushes. It’s not a full letter to each of them, but just a little blurb about them.

This does not include celebrity crushes because we’d be here for hours (maybe weeks) if I included all the celeb crushes I’ve had. Also, this only includes crushes where I knew them or knew their name.

Some back story of what I was like when I was younger before we dig into the crushes:

I was a quiet student (I’m still quiet) that didn’t cause trouble in school which meant that most of my teachers would seat me beside the popular, loud, troublemakers. This worked out in my favour because I would be friendly with the popular ones. In high school, I was like Lara Jean (main character in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before), but definitely not as stylish. I would be at home watching shows or movies instead of going to parties. Side note: I’d like to see a single TV show based around high school kids where they aren’t stylish because that’d be way more realistic. I’m not even as stylish as the ladies in Pretty Little Liars or Gossip Girl NOW.

When you’re younger, you’re friends with people because it’s convenient. You’re neighbours, you’re in the same class or your parents are friends. In elementary school, I was friends with whoever was in my class. It wasn’t hard to become friends with everyone because you grow up with the same people since kindergarten. There were about 60-70 of us from kindergarten to grade 6 (a few moved away and some were new throughout the years). I was classmates with everyone by grade 6 (there were 3 classes once we got to the later grades).

When you change schools, you find out who you were actually friends with. If you are good friends, then you’ll make an effort to stay friends. When I switched over to middle school, I stayed friends with the people who I knew from before. That’s just how it goes when you’re starting out. Then, after a few months, you make new friends. I’m still Facebook friends with a lot of people from elementary school, but the only contact we have now is a ‘Happy Birthday’ or something.

When I went away for university, I kept in touch with a few classmates who went to the same university, but eventually grew apart once we established friendships with people from our classes and dorms. I never had a real guy friend until university- one that you hang out with or go to the movies with. I would be ‘friends’ with guys in my classes, but it wasn’t a ‘hang out after school’ friendship, it was more of a ‘friends because we’re classmates and we’re sitting beside each other.’ Similar to what Ron Swanson would call ‘workplace proximity acquaintances,’ we have classroom proximity acquaintances when we’re younger. I’ve stayed Facebook friends with former classmates and co-workers, but only stayed friends with a handful of people.

THE CRUSHES

Sometimes I check up on them on social media (if I can) to see what they’re up to now. I’ve had 7 crushes in my life where I knew the guy. I’ve had a number of crushes where I found them good looking, but they didn’t know I existed. I assume they didn’t know I existed, but I guess people can always surprise you. I think it’s better to assume that people don’t know who you are than to assume that everyone remembers you and knows who you are.

I find myself being attracted to the smart ones who are a little mischievous- Nerd meets Troublemaker.

The Math Teacher

You were a student teacher who taught us fractions in 5^th grade. I don’t even remember your name anymore. It was only 1 of 2 times where I had trouble with math (2^nd time was a bad calc teacher). I found you attractive and maybe that distracted me from what you were teaching, but I think you were just a bad teacher, sorry. The crush went away quickly when we had to have a parent-teacher meeting to help me with my fractions.

The Smart Jock

You were in my friend’s class. We would call you Bruno because she kept getting your name wrong. You had a good looking older brother too (I say ‘had’ because I don’t know what he looks like now).

The Musician

You were kind of like the bad boy musician (although you were a band geek). I would look forward to days where I passed by your locker to get to class and band rehearsal. We interacted twice- once when you were representing a club during club week (I signed up because I thought you’d be there at meetings…you weren’t in the club, you were just manning the club board for a friend). The second time I interacted with you and I was getting a receipt for something and you wrote my name. I kept the piece of paper and may still have it in a box of old valentine’s day cards and birthday party invitations.

The Student Council President

You were the good-looking younger one in my class. However, the crush went away when you were so self-centered that you didn’t know I was in your class. The teacher called my name and you said, “Who?”

The Orientation Week Icebreaker

You weren’t my icebreaker, but we were on the same team. GO Blue Gladiators! You touched my shoulder (because I was in your way) when you getting down from the bleachers and stepped on my flip flop, you said ‘Sorry.’ I think I said, “that’s okay,” but it may have been an incoherent, “mmngfhw” because I was thinking about how you touched my shoulder. The crush lasted for the first few months of first year because I would see you every now and then, but it soon went away because I stopped seeing you around campus.

The University Classmate

We were in the same class of 200+ people. I would usually sit in the same area and so would you. I attended the first tutorial for the class and you were there. I never knew you, but thanks for giving me a reason to look forward to class.

The following crushes are the boys I actually knew and they knew me:

The First One

My first crush lasted from kindergarten to gr 4. It was the longest crush I ever had. I thought he was cute.

The Goofy One

I don’t know how you got me to stop crushing on the first one. Our friend groups would hang out at recess. We had an incident where we were goofing around and I hit my head. I think my crush on you was instantly knocked out after that.

The Desk Buddy

Our teacher sat us together for the majority of the year. You were one of the popular ones; smart, but a bit of a troublemaker. We weren’t in any of the same classes in middle school or high school, but somehow I found you on Instagram. You’ve liked a few of my IG pics and it felt nice that you still remember me.

The Curly-Haired One  

You were friends with Desk Buddy, and like him, you were a smart troublemaker and you had a devilish grin.

The Younger One

I thought you were cute in middle school, but moved on once I went to high school. A few years later, we became acquainted.

The Stoner

You’re the complete opposite of me, but I liked you because you were cute. You weren’t the most popular guy at school, but you were up there. Our lockers were near each other and we were friends for the two years we were in homeroom together. You made me feel cooler than I was. You wrote a poem in my yearbook which I’ll always have to remember your nickname for me.

The One Who I Think About Every Now and Then

We haven’t seen each other in almost 15 years, yet, you’re the one I think about every so often. I hope you grew up to be one of the good ones. You probably don’t remember this, but, to me, you’ll always be the boy who whipped out a bagel from your jacket pocket during recess and started eating it. It was not in a Ziploc bag…it was just bagel in pocket. If I had pushed myself to be more outgoing in elementary school, maybe we could’ve been friends all this time.

Do you ever wonder if any of your crushes knew/had a feeling that you had a crush on them? I don’t think my crushes were exactly subtle, so I’m sure a few of the ones above knew that I liked them.

For those old enough to remember, did anyone ever consider writing in their crush’s Honesty Box on Facebook? You could send an anonymous message to someone.

Still searching for my Jake Ryan…Anyone else love Sixteen Candles too? Yes, it was super racist like they said in the movie, but <3 Jake Ryan!

A quick note to the last seven boys on the list: I haven’t talked to you in a long time, but I hope you’re doing well. I’d like to thank all of you. You made me feel special by just being nice to me. Even though I only liked you and never loved any of you, you’ll always have a special place in my heart and I’ll always remember all of you.  

Love,